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Monday, February 6th, 2006
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2:44 pm - lovely day..lovely day..
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Of course!
current music: Bill Withers-Lovely Day
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| Monday, January 9th, 2006
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4:53 pm - I was drinking you goodbye..
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Ode to Stirling:
O, Stirling,you are Grey.
No seriously...
Your greyness steals into my heart
Like little tendrils of fog
Dammit, why must you be so cold?
You are freezing
My heart.
hahahahahahaha..wasn't that beautiful? Good thing I'm not taking any poetry courses this semester...
So yeah..I had fun in Norway. Too much fun actually. So i cried just like a little girl on Thursday night (I was drunk, yes, but the sadness was real!). Spent the next day feeling drunk, a surprisingly effective way of numbing my fear of flying as it turns out! My mp3 player is broken (Damn you, Zen Creative!!)..so I had nothing but my thoughts, The Guardian and Private Eye to amuse me on the long journey home. Since getting home I have been drinking, watching films and listening to very loud music in order to block out my thoughts. I've been having some terribly complicated ones lately.. i really, really don't understand whats wrong with my head. Therefore I am going to see a counsellor this week. Maybe they can fix me :)But probably not.
I'm reading Madame Bovary at the moment, after that I'll be taking on The Scarlet Letter and The Mill on The Floss (with Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World inbetween :). I bought an old copy of the Penguin Classics Anthology of Japanese Literature in Oxfam today. There are some really beautiful poems in it.
'If from the beginning
You had not made me trust you,
Speaking of long, long years,
Should I have known now
Such sorrow as this?'
*sigh*
Ah well, that's enough for now.
Nos Da.
current music: Iggy Pop-Search and Destroy (live)
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| Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
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2:13 pm - Are you blind? It's a lonely teardrop!
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Alcohol is great, alcohol is fun :)
Have recovered from my epic hangover and rediscovered the unique pleasures of the bottle.
Went out with some friends of mine from ungdomsskole last night and had a great time! i hadn't seen them for a while and it was really nice to catch up and just...laugh and have fun!
I carried on drinking G&Ts at home and terrorised Nick and Roosa with my drunkenness. hehe, we watched the end of Crybaby (hence the title of this entry) which Nick got me for Christmas. What a great film! I wish I had Traci Lord's character's wardrobe!!
mm..then I watched TV and to my credit I cannot remember a single thing I watched! I ate some coconut though. And then went to bed and listened to Madrugada. Fabulous!
current music: Madrugada-Hands Up I Love You
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| Monday, January 2nd, 2006
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7:41 pm - I need some fine wine, and you, you need to be nicer
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Song title of 2005 that's what that is (my entry title, its a Cardigans song).
Actually I'm the one that needs to be nicer. I need some fine wine too though...ah dear...I actually don't know what i need. I'm feeling terribly odd.
What do I want to do with my life?????? Whatwhatwhatwhat?????
Ah dear..Its not like Im the only person who feels this way. I guess everyone does. And those who don't, well, I don't trust 'em!!
mm, today I went for a walk with Nick up to Jernaldergården, it was nice..very peaceful, we watched the sun go down. And I got scared of the sheep and Nick laughed. (I mean, come on, what's a SHEEP gonna do to me..??? I am silly).
Might watch The Life Aquatic tonight..hehe, that'll make me feel better. Steve Zissou is a meaner person than me, hooray! I am a rubbish person. I've been re-reading The Waiting Place too, again, cause they all seem really fucked up and I find that somehow comforting!! I might buy the 4th book in town tomorrow, i'm curious about what happens. I'm really into Y-The Last Man as well (Nick got me hooked), its really good and about as addictive as Preacher too!
Ah well, I shall be off now, nightnight.
current music: Low - Words
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| Sunday, January 1st, 2006
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1:36 pm - come back to me again and play your sad guitar
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Well, Happy New Year then!
I have a fucking killer hangover!!! Oh, it hurts!!!
Had a very jolly evening yesterday. Alcohol and debauchery. Indeed. Sparklers too. They always make me very excited. *blush* Its gorgeous outside, I want to go out for a walk but Im not entirely sure if I can stand up. I can barely type! Ah dear..am feeling very odd and confused. but then thats new year's day for you.
current music: Radiohead - How can you be sure?
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| Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
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8:57 pm - for we had both run right out of words..
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Hello hello.
Well, since it's the season for it and all...I got very drunk last night. Veryvery. Started drinking at 2pm, in an acceptable, late lunch style way, this then escalated into non-acceptable, listening to Low in the dark by myself drinking at around 8pm. Got a poor(teetotal) friend of mine to take me to a bar. And then i met another friend of mine and proceeded to get utterly wasted. Oh dear...well it was cheap and...and...I couldnt seem to stop...
Got home around 4am, got my shoes and jacket off, not my clothes though. Classy :P
Then got presents this morning!! Could barely sit up to open them but never mind! Totoro purse from Mark...so sweet :)
Went to town with Nick and wandered around aimlessly..We wanted to buy stuff but....nothing seemed tempting..I kinda want to buy Tilsammans on DVD because its heartwarming and sometimes i like that..
As for now...I think I will watch In the Mood For Love. I got that and 2046 for Christmas. (I also got The Breakfast Club which i adore, but is of course far less cool. What will my pretentious, world-cinema fan friends say..?? haha, except i don't really have any friends like that. I'M the pretentious one..so...I'm ...trying to impress myself..? ah dear..).
But yes....film time...candles...dark..mm...
current music: Dirty Three-The Restless Waves
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| Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
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3:02 pm - you even see alittle snow sometimes!
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Is there anything to say?
Well..Uni's done for this semsester. Ive got my courses for next year sorted out and they all seem really exciting. Now im just, you know...waiting to go home for Christmas really. (*drivin' home for Christmas..*) Its like being in some kind of limbo.
So far today has been the nicest day Ive had for a while. I had the day off work for a start..thats always nice. So i slept for ages...had croissants for breakfast...nearly finished Dance Dance Dance by Haruki Murakami. I'm frightened by how much i identify with the narrators of his books. Im not sure theyre such great people to identify with.
Posted some cards and a parcel. Laughed with the lady in the post office when she said they probably wouldnt get there on time and I said it didnt matter.
Handed back my massive stash of library books.
Now i think I'll go surprise Shona with some takeaway caramel lattes (she's at work). Festive..?
I didnt feel festive yesterday. Decided to do a little shopping after work, figuring it might be quieter since it was evening time. But no. It was full of hordes. By the end of it I just stopped apologising to the people i kept crashing into. There didnt seem to be much point. And the music..? Oh, the music. Good Christmas music DOES EXIST, but do shops know this..?? NO!! they play 'I wish it could be Christmas everyday' by Wizzard, every 5 mins (as does the radio). Damn that song to hell!!!!!
These are GOOD Christmas songs: 'It was Just Like Christmas'- Low, 'Let's Make Christmas Mean Something This Year'-James Brown, 'Purple Snowflakes'-Marvin Gaye, 'Blue Christmas'-Low, 'Frosty the Snowman'-Cocteau Twins (and Fairytale of New York by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl but to be fair that does get some airtime).
Why can't shops play those songs..?? Why cant they just stick on 'Merry Christmas from Motown'and be done with it?? I'D be happy at any rate...
I have been feeling sporadically festive though. Possibly due to intensive mince pie and red wine intake combined with listening to the aforementioned songs a lot.
Merry Christmas.
current music: Cocteau Twins-Frosty the Snowman
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| Monday, November 14th, 2005
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1:56 pm - there's no night out in the jail...
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The jail that is Stirling haha
Hamlet: the first quarto: Its not the same as the second quarto or the first folio. Its worse. That is my essay.
I now feel shivery every time I hear the words 'quarto' and 'folio'.
And speaking of shivery, what is up with the weather..?? Just read about all the crazy floods and landslides in Norway....and Belfast is suffering gale force winds, not to mention the American/Asian chaoses. Whats going on..? Is it punishment?? Wouldnt be surprised what with the way large portions of the human race conduct themselves..
Ah dear... I shall have to distract myself or else ill just sit in my bedroom all catatonic, thinking about the meaning of life..
current music: Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds-Red Right hand
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| Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
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3:11 pm - when you're half of the world away
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Ah..
Had a jolly little day yesterday.
Went to Glasgow and saw Black Narcissus and Broken Flowers.
Kathleen Byron was absolutely terrifying! In her final scene when she emerges from the door she looked so evil! I could hardly bear to look at her, I wanted to look away but her eyes were so powerful , they were so sharp and gleaming and utterly hypnotic. She frightened me almost as much as Kayako!
Broken Flowers was good too.
Quite sad..I liked the little dream sequences of all his old girlfriends and of the women he just happened to notice along the way.
I want the dress Kathleen Byron wears at the end of BN though!! goodness.. I mean, i dont want to be a crazy, sexually repressed murderous nun or anything but that dress....
I went and bought a green silky 1940's ish wrap around dress from H&m which is vaguely similar....
See how impressionable i am!!
It was so cold all day though..I had to have a brandy in the cinema cafe.. (Again with the influences, i remembered Maxim telling the narrator to drink brandy in Rebecca, to 'calm her nerves'. So what do i do? I order brandy..). It was good though. I probably needed it.
Back to work for me then! I've had my fun! Tonight im going to read about T.S. Eliot and the Four Quartets . I like T.S. Eliot :)
current music: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds-Straight to You
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| Monday, October 24th, 2005
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3:18 pm - What..? Why..?
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joanna is a hip new yorker
joanna is really cool and lovely lady homepage
joanna is a
joanna is out of town
joanna is fastest junior
joanna is ryding high to take overall crown
joanna is born
joanna is baptised
joanna is a punk rocker
joanna is here
joanna is fastest junior lakeland sprinters chris highton
joanna is the patron of the sanctuary
joanna is accredited by the law institute of victoria as a personal injury law specialist
joanna is a "century
joanna is three years older than lydia and looks enough like her to be her sister
joanna is attracted to alexander
joanna is trained in
joanna is quite good in it
joanna is a chartered civil engineer and a director of ove arup and partners
joanna is not expected by the staff at the residence of guy de salis
joanna is famous
joanna is the recipent of many tourisms awards including recognition of the greatest contribution to tourism in new south wales in 1983
joanna is the playwrite responsible for the recent production
joanna is planning a trip to west africa and decides to see what information she can find on the web
joanna is attending a small college near atlantic city
joanna is a memory resident
joanna is a girl who is living in the philippines and has a dozen things in her mind all at once
joanna is quite simply the most beautiful newsreader on tv
joanna is a one bedroom house
joanna is meticulous in her choice of materials
joanna is an experienced
joanna is equally fluent in traditional and contemporary interpretations of celtic music
joanna is one of the founders of the image industry
joanna is an active member of the westmont philharmonia accordion orchestra and the quintet accord
joanna is registered for general securities
joanna is at the ready
joanna is still proving to naysayers that a woman without a law
joanna is embarking on a new career as a director and writer
joanna is a very talented performer as you will find on as you look at this page
joanna is caught with her grandmother in a terrifying siege
joanna is a twenty
joanna is an 8 year old fawn female
joanna is a stunning beauty of an elf
joanna is a western australian mural artist who has achieved not only a remarkably prolific presentation of
joanna is from modern earth and is striving to find a feeling of personal self
joanna is a living example of the power of the mind
joanna is a good kid
joanna is a graduate of the ontario college of art and design in toronto with a george a
joanna is our heroine
joanna is amazing
joanna is working with
joanna is
joanna is one of three new exchange students that arrived in january for the spring semester
joanna is the permanent poet
joanna is crawling 2
joanna is afraid she will not be able to afford to take up a new job as a language assistant in france
joanna is always so encouraging and fun to hang out with
joanna is a senior at brown and is double concentrating in mathematics and biology
joanna is precipitated into a new set of decisions and responsibilities
joanna is undoubtedly the stalwart who has not only revived cantonese opera
joanna is dispatched to chicago to spy on a conspirators' meeting at the g5 building
joanna is approximately 1735
joanna is heard and seen domestically and internationally as one of the top authoritative commentators on the entertainment industry
joanna is the largest doll in the fanouche collection this year
joanna is yet another novel that grew out of a roleplaying game
joanna is away from emagineit
joanna is one of our superstars
joanna is made to be like all the other wives
joanna is very much unheard of here in the uk
joanna is responsible for maintaining the highest standards in the conceptualisation and execution of interactive
joanna is a wonderful diplomat and wouldn't want anyone to think that her
joanna is a fan of scattergories
joanna is supported by many other training professionals within and available to ipg
joanna is outstanding
joanna is a permanent lecturer in the school of mathematics and applied statistics
joanna is she jewish? is she not?
joanna is the same age
joanna is also a licensed massage therapist and offers holistic integrative bodywork thorugh her private practice
joanna is going to be used for god's
joanna is very exposed to weather from the north and south
joanna is my friend
joanna is thought to have served in hospitals in mississippi
joanna is suddenly in danger of discovering first
joanna is currently attending bloomington north
joanna is a fictitious character but i'm not going to stop you comparing some of the people she meets to our friends; after all
joanna is a trademark of the monotype corporation registered in the us patent and trademark office and may be registered in certain other jurisdictions
joanna is a confused
joanna is the baby of the family
joanna is currently developing several television projects
joanna is legally blind
joanna is shown either in her red shirt and holding her blue jacket
Deeply confusing!
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| Thursday, October 20th, 2005
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8:35 pm - sometimes it hurts sometimes it dont you know
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AH!!!!!!!
Literary theory!!!
It..hurts...my...mind..
Yes it does..
Im sitting here, trying to finish this behemoth of an essay on the theories of Barthes and Foucalt and I just have no faith in it! I am sure I dont know what i am talking about, I dont know what my point is or if I even HAVE a point to make and i can see the two of them staring at me from the world beyond this world, sneering at me in French...aaaaahhhh, noooo!!!
*sigh*
Its silly to get so worked up but..I dont know..can't be helped..
At least i have wine and ice-cream and a copy of the Tindersticks DVD to console me back at the flat...
*longing gaze*
nightnight internet people :)
current music: Can our Love.. - Tindersticks
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| Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
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2:55 pm - Heathcliff, its me, Cathy..
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hahahaha, naturally!
current music: Kate Bush-Wuthering Heights
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| Monday, October 17th, 2005
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3:10 pm - on and on and on and on
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Hello!
Goodness me..what a busy week ahead! Good thing Im spending my time productively by writing essays right now except..ah..wait a second..oh dear..this isnt an essay at all is it..?
Did a little writing at the weekend but did a little more sleeping as i was absolutely shattered! Watched Hitchcock's Rebecca on Friday night, would definitely recommend it to anyone who likes that kind of thing. great music too! And lots of 'Oh but Maxim-I DO love you' lines..
And speaking of great films...my flatmate recently purchased the rather fantastic 'Bail Out' starring David Hasselhoff for the grand price of 97p!! Anybody in the UK should run to tesco and buy a copy now before they sell out! It's a fantastic piece of work! Including at least 5 different insulting racial stereotypes (and thats just the first 10 mins!), we are also treated to the sight of the Hoff playing tennis in slow motion and later shooting a helicopter in slow motion. Featuring classic lines like 'Ah shut up ya stupid bimbo!' and 'There's a time for shooting, and theres a time for talking' it really is quite special!!
mm..but now..my thoughts must turn away from fun and excitement in order to let me concentrate on Udolpho (yup, im writing an essay on it, i am a fool), Maria or The Wrongs of Woman, Frankenstein and the theories of Barthes and Foucalt. All this 'Death of the Author' stuff is really making me feel very strange! the author..doesnt exist..it doesnt matter what they wanted to say..its irrelevant..they are not gods..and yet..some books...seem so obviously influenced by their authors lives (Frankenstein for example)so..are they..? or not..? Hm..? Whats that you say..? There is no answer? But..but....*faint*
See?
Oh well, hope anyone who reads this entry goes on to have a jolly day or night :)
current music: Cocteau twins - Fifty-fifty Clown
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| Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
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1:45 pm - just running scared....
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Hello :)
I have a cold and have just written a shit essay on Bleak House. Both of these things are making me very sad. Its not due in til 5pm so im just sitting here, hoping some wonderful idea will hit me and turn it into a good essay. But thats not going to happen. So i suppose I may as well just go and hand it in.
And then get started on my Jane Eyre presentation: 'Mr. Rochester, hero and villain combined!!'
I am drowning, drowning in a sea of books!
'Alone, alone, all, all alone,
Alone on a wide wide sea!'
OK, thats a tad melodramatic..
Ah dear..I think im turnng into a book.
But maybe thats a good thing.
current music: Roy Orbison- In Dreams
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| Friday, September 23rd, 2005
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3:32 pm - I lost my heart down by the water...
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Well goodness me.
Four hours of class, 3 cups of coffee, go team!! I am buzzing now!! But for what..??!!
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Right, here's what NOT to do if you are tired and melancholy: read Anne Radcliffe's The Mysteries of Udolpho! I mean seriously. Come on now. Perhaps, if I were in the right state of mind..or in the right place..I would enjoy it, but as it is?? It felt like someone (Mrs Radcliffe herself? ) was just treading on my brain and grinding their heels into it very slowly and painfully! Sore!
Here is a summary:
Emily St Aubert's mother dies. She is sad. Dont be sad, be strong, says her father. They go travelling. She sees mountains and trees. They are sublime. She faints. She meets Valancourt, they fall in love. Her father accidentally shoots and wounds him. She faints. Her father dies. She cries. She is packed off to live at the castle of Udolpho with her aunt and her husband Signor Montoni.It fills her with melancholy awe because it is....sublime! Emily sees things. They might be ghosts. Theyre not as it turns out. She faints. She escapes. Valancourt has dishonoured himself by gambling. She cries (probably faints too!). He redeems himself. They are happy in beautiful, rather than sublime landscape of La Vallee, hooray!
Roll on Mary Wollstonecraft :)
So...yeah...I might go out tonight but...can i be bothered? Can I? It might be nicer to stay in with a film by myself but who knows where this magical evening will take me!! I am now going to walk to the bus stop and examine the sublimity of nature along the way. Ill try not to faint.
current music: PJ Harvey - Long Snake Moan
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| Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
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10:09 am - sugar kane..
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Hello!
I am back at uni now. It is...very hot..just..temperature wise..hot... And I am hungover. i didnt mean to drink last night, i just sort of, slid into it.. then went to a party...zz
Um, have done all my registering except for central registration which i shall do in a bit.. I am now consumed with the task of reading Dickens' Bleak House by Friday. By Friday!! Oh dear..I really really want to do well this semester...I really really do..and i KNOW I should have read the book over the holidays but it was just...so....daunting...
For anyone who is interested, this is how the book opens: 'London. There's fog everywhere. its on the pavements. its on the streets and all over the people. The fog is everywhere. Fog, fog, fog, fog, eating up the city..its in the shops its on the lake its in the sky. Like i said, the fog is EVERYWHERE. No really. I'm not kidding here...fogfogfogfogFOG!!!!!!'
Well..thats sort of it..
Actually, I think its a very good opening (the real one I mean).
But Bleak House..its just so...BIG. And Im not a huge fan of Dickens anyway. I want to get on to T.S. Eliot. Just read my end of year reports things and almost all of them contained the word 'promising'. So, they think my work is good but have unanimously decided that i could do much better if I tried even harder! But could I? I want to be able to, but I don't know how to unleash this potential that i am apparently blessed with.. How do i get to it??
Ah dear..oh well..Id better go..a day of Dickens and coffee awaits me. It'll be like a Dickens marathon. A Dickensthon if you will.
current music: Maria Taylor - Leap Year
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| Thursday, September 8th, 2005
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6:50 pm - I've been pushed into line by the pushers and shovers
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hello..
I am sleepy...I am a small sleepy cat..
yes..
I think my brain is dissolving..
I spent the last few hours at work basically standing around like a pumpkin listening to Classic FM, and feeling very emotional whenever anything particularly moving was played. It beats the hell out of Real Radio and all that shit but now I feel very peculiar.
In my head I planned my Halloween costume, planned my Halloween decorations, tried to decipher the lyrics of a song ive been listening to a lot and meditated on love and things.
And i STILL havent read all my books for English!! Not even close! I've started on Rebecca now..and I read a few pages of The Mysteres of Udolpho every now and then but..*mmf*...I occasionally LOOK at Bleak House but fail to pick it up! I think Ill read some TS Eliot tonight and get that James Hogg book and read it for the weekend..
So, nearly Freshers..my favourite time of the university year...hahahahahahaha..oh fuck..*sob!*
I shall be off to Glasgow to see the Shout Out Louds on Monday so..thats one escape right there..but the rest of the week..?? Ill have to get very very drunk :)
Im trying not to drink today and tomorrow..mini detox..itll have to be mini cause I want to drink on Saturday :) Hooray!
Had a jolly good time last night actually..odd..but yeah..it was cool..nothing fucked up happened, I didnt feel sad, and I didnt cry when i got home, on the contrary, I laughed and ate and watched Spaced with Shona..even planned a party..*gasp!*
So..thats me..byebye..listen to Snowden, I like them :)
current music: Snowden-Come Around
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| Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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3:16 pm - its alright, under this moon tonight
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So. Im in Norway..
Of all places :)
For the first...ooh, hour or so I just didnt want to be here. I thought: 'no, no, this is wrong, want to leave now please, yes, thats right'. But I dont know quite what that was about. I think the turbulence made me feel a little out of it.
Just got back from having coffee with Ole,
ah..and by some fluke (the friend I was meant to be seeing is running late) I have a few hours to spare...mm...relaxing..
Had a nice time yesterday, watched R.O.D. and Eddie Izzard with Kjell and laughed and awful lot at both :)
I feel like..having a bath and doing a face mask and generally lolling about drinking and eating comforting things like milk and toast and honey and tea...
the lake's all shimmery and shiny...like gold leaf.
Im listening to 'Lift yr Skinny Fists like Antennae to Heaven'
Its so lovely that i feel at peace and excited and frustrated all at the same time!
current music: Godspeed you black emperor-Lift yr skinny fists..
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| Monday, August 22nd, 2005
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6:52 pm - its the same routine..
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Oh. Help. I am so fucking sleep deprived... Why must people hang around my flat at 3am when i have work at 9am the next day..? I dont give a shit how much fun theyre having, I dont give a shit if i am ruining their evening by requesting they GO HOME. Jesus...next time this happens i have a feeling I will actually go mental and spring from my bedroom, run into the living room, rip the CD player's plug out of the wall and scream at these people to fuck off home. Seriously. I dont care what they think. I need some sleep.
I was totally over-animated for the first few hours at work and then around 2 or 3 I just started yawning non-stop and mishearing people and generally being clumsy..and now I just feel wound up and cold and hard and dead inside. The only thing that could possibly help is seeing Mark. And he wont be back from Chicago til October. Fuck.
current music: Tindersticks- The Ballad of Tindersticks
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| Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
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5:46 pm - who are you?
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My favourite CSI exchange of the day:
Warrick: The ace of spades.
Grissom: The death card.
Oh dear...they do crack me up...
:)
current music: PJ Harvey - Meet ze Monsta
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disillusiona's journal